College Feels

Sometimes I get really excited about college and I can’t wait to get there and start class and get involved. I’m really anxious about my roommate and other such friend situations and I really want to get there and get started on those relationships as well as my major and minor(s).

But at the same time, I’m freaking out. I’m so nervous and overwhelmed. I am so worried about having a bad roommate and not making good friends and not getting involved enough and not passing my math and spanish classes. I have so much to do before then. My books need ordered, I should look into a possible job type thing, I have so much to get for my dorm and it is going to be expensive, I would like a new laptop and phone which I don’t want to ask for because it will be so expensive but I don’t have the money myself and I feel selfish, I can’t find any bed stuff I love, I just know I’m going to forget a crap ton of stuff when I move out, I’ll probably get stuff for my dorm that won’t work at all… What if my sister does take my room?? Not only will that suck in general, but everyone would have to go through my stuff as it isn’t all coming to school with me and that would be really shitty.

And I’m so worried about not knowing anyone. I know I’ll make friends… but I’m almost tired of that… I’ve done it enough already and I am tired of worrying so much about what I’m going to do. I want to end up with a good group of friends and I want it to start from the get-go, not a year or two in.

I’m so incredibly sad at the thought of leaving everyone I know here. I’m going to miss everyone so much and I just feel like I haven’t had enough time with them and it feels like the chapter in my life where I’m friends with them is coming to an end and I just… I don’t want to loose them. I know I’ll be back to visit… But it isn’t ever going to be the same. ALL of my other close friends are staying here. Leaving everyone is going to be really depressing. God, especially when it comes to David. I don’t doubt that we can make it work but it will suck going from seeing him all the time to once a month if I’m lucky… I just… GOD EMOTIONAL RANT IS WHAT THIS HAS TURNED INTO.

I just feel so conflicted because I’m so excited but scared and sad. And I don’t have anyone to talk to about what I’m going through and it sucks. A lot.